IT IS IMPORATANT THAT YOU KNOW

Ashton and Demi Moore got married.

"I know a lot of people think that this marriage is creepy because she's 15 years older than him, but those people are just stupid. Everyone knows that only parts of Demi Moore are older than Ashton Kutcher. Most of the other parts are actually way younger. If you think about it, he's sort of marrying three 14-year-old girls who just happen to be grafted onto a 42-year-old's body. And even though that sounds gross, you have to admit that it's kind of hot too. Kind of really hot. And, okay, maybe a little gross. Actually, yeah, mostly just gross. I don't know what I was thinking."